Not always a fairytale...

Time is flying by!  I can't believe it has been so long since my last post.  Unfortunately, I don't have anything exciting to report, but I'll share my thoughts anyway.  Thrilling, I know!   It has just been one of those weeks.  Blah! Sometimes I wish I could be that girl that has it all together all the time.  Instead I am the girl that wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror, and is startled over my not so beautiful reflection.  Seriously, you should see me in the morning.  Scary.  My hair is out of control and my face is extremely puffy. At this time, I am glad to live alone so no one else can experience this trauma. Anyway! In attempt to remedy the issue of looks, I got my hair highlighted and cut.  This is improvement but I have the hair that does not like change. In fact, my hair rebels against change.  So the first week of a new haircut is always quite the adventure. I basically have to force my hair to relearn what it has been doing for the past 5 years.  Exhausting!  Apparently my intelligence has not seeped from my brain into the roots of my hair. Maybe it has something to do with the blond color.....

Once the hair dilemma began improving, I decided my makeup could use an upgrade.  Off to Sephora I went.  The saleswoman was so nice, but she did point out that my eyes looked a little rough to say the least.  I learned my eyes are dry, have dark circles beneath them, and are beginning to show signs of age. That's all a girl needs to build self-esteem! The saleswoman politely asked if I was feeling okay. I politely replied that my sister died in July.  Well, that one stopped her in her tracks! Poor lady. Apparently, grieving over the loss of my sister hasn't done great things for my features, but at least I have a good reason to look rough.  Grief seems to make you age quicker, but oh well, I am just getting a little closer to Heaven I suppose! So I left Sephora with all new makeup, eye cream, and far less money than I had when I entered the store.  Oh, the price of vanity!

The recent change of weather has also made me reevaluate my closet. As I have previously stated, I really don't like cold weather.  Therefore, I don't like to buy clothing that is appropriate for cold weather.  Unfortunately, getting dressed this past week has been more than a little stressful.  I realized I have no trendy, cute fall clothing.  Instead I have lovely sweaters and cardigans that you would find on your average grandmother over the age of 70!  Did I mention that apparently I am aging?  Since I have upgraded the hair, and makeup, I decided why not improve the clothes?  Off to the mall I went. I am very fortunate to be rather thin and petite for my age, but this means I have to shop in the juniors clothing section.  This is not so fortunate.  I really don't need jeans with holes, low cut shirts, or slinky dresses.  For the love, I am twenty-eight years old, serve my at my church, and work as a pharmacist.  I prefer classy, not sleezy.  Needless to say finding appropriate clothing is like going on a scavenger hunt or looking for a needle in a haystack. However, my mommy and I persevered and mangaged to find some cute clothes, but not without spending more of my hard earned finances.

Now that my hair is looking better, my eyes are looking a little less aged (I hope), and my wardrobe has improved, maybe my mood will too.  This process of grieving the loss of a loved one really isn't easy.  My heart goes out to anyone that has walked down this road before.  Grief is so frustrating.  It makes you feel crazy inside.  There are days when I feel more normal and happy and then there are days when I just want to scream. I want someone else to feel my pain.  I want people to remember what I am going through.  I want people to be patient with me because I have never known grief like this before.  I want everyone to realize that I am not the same person I was before July 24th.  My life changed on that day.  Losing your one and only sister can turn your world and heart upside down.  I can't be the same person I used to be. A piece of my heart is empty.  I have a hole in my heart that will never be replaced.  Hair, makeup, and clothes can't repair my heart. It's all superficial. Just because I smile everyday, laugh, and make jokes, it does NOT mean that I am really okay.  I am not okay at all, I am just doing the best I can with a horrible situation.  I pray daily for strength and peace, but I am definitely a work in progress.  Life is not always a fairytale....