I know you are for me....

Tonight at church, Kari Jobe led an entire service of worship.  It was simply amazing and I could feel the presence of God.  As she sang the song "You are for me," I began reflecting on those lyrics and what they really mean. I believe with all my heart that God is for me. God is always on our side and knows what is best for each of us.  But today was a hard day emotionally and I am left wondering why life has to be so challenging, so heartbreaking, so difficult, so painful.

Today, my daddy had a procedure performed at a nearby hospital.  As I drove to the hospital and found a park, I was overwhelmed by all the memories that came to my mind and flooded my heart. Just seeing this one hospital almost makes it hard for me to breathe because I have ten years worth of memories, emotions, tears, laughter, frustration, and love invested into that place.

It is the hospital where I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease ten years ago. I remember entering the main doors of the hospital hardly able to walk. Clinging to my parents' hands praying that someone could tell me what was wrong with my body.

It is the hospital where my mommy nearly died nine years ago.  Where my daddy, sister, and I visited her every day and sat in the waiting room for hours and days and weeks on end just to go hold her hand in the intensive care unit. Just the three of us holding vigil and praying that the woman we all loved would pull through. It was just the three of us staying strong for one another and my mother until she was strong again.

It is the hospital where we took my sister last July when she suddenly fell ill.  She was admitted to the same intensive care unit that my mom occupied eight years earlier.  It was the same waiting room that my daddy, sister, and I sat waiting for my mommy.  But this time the tables were turned and it was my daddy, mommy, and I praying for my sister. It is the hospital where she passed away and went to Heaven. It is the last place I saw her beautiful blue eyes look back at me and the last place I heard her precious voice. It is the last place I saw her alive. It is the hospital where we had to leave her body the night she passed away.  The hospital that the three of us had to drive away from leaving our hearts behind with Amber. Our lives forever changed.

Today was difficult to say the least. A deep reflection and reminder of years past. My family has been through so much together. Only the three of us understand the pain, the loss, the heartbreak, and the tears. I find comfort and love in my parents and my faith.

Lord, I know that you are for me................even when it doesn't seem like it.